Still the Pain Remain

I sometimes find myself lying awake at night wondering what could have been, I will never again hold my little boy in my arms and know the joy he brings to my sole, we will never see his first steps or worry needlessly as he gets up to mischief, we will never wave him good bye as he goes to university and never see the joy of him graduate or becomes a man, we will never hold his children and reminisce of moments in time.

We lost more than our little boy, we lost what could have been, we can never recapture what never happened and what should have been. Our baby boy was only with us for a short time but he left a huge gap in our sole.

I still torture myself and relive every moment of the day we lost George, questioning and requestioning each step of the day, could I have done anything different, was there anything more I could have done, am I just putting myself through needless pain. Nothing in life can brake you so much as losing your child and nothing feel so unnatural as saying good bye for the last time. I still hurt and wish it was just a bad dream. Close friends see the cracks, knowing the pain that his memory brings and the joy of keeping a part of him alive by talking about him as parent of living children do.

George, one day we will be together once more