Shadows of Yesterday

I am a shell, a shadow of the ‘happy go likely’ person I once was. I feel that I could no longer believe that everything in life was going to be fine just because I was a good person and tried to help others. I went to church, gave freely, volunteered for charity and cared about my fellow man. I tried to be a good husband, father and son. I question whether I fit any of these criteria. When I became a parent of an angel, I wondered if I warranted this punishment from the universe. It been nearly two years since George left our side and I still have no idea of how to deal with the change and how to coup with my new norm.

Maybe I don’t see what in front of me or sometimes I even see things that are not there, but this feeling of loss is real, it’s not just waving bye to a child leaving for college, but never seeing George in the living world again, each day throw up differing feeling and emotional turmoil. Yesterday, two memory box moments happened, the first was going to see the ‘Snow Dog’ at school, this don’t seem a big thing but when you realise that on the day of George’s passing, Sarah came back with the ‘Snow dog’ teddy in her shopping. The second thing was me placing a pair of angel wings tree decoration on Sarah’s pillow, there were in a little box labelled to mummy. Maybe it’s me being sensitive finding my new norm is still not the best fit.